What Could've Been
by unlikelyRLshipper
Summary: Part I of my posting blitz!  A post-ep for 7.05, so spoilers for that episode.  Danny can't stop thinking about what could've been, and how he and his ex-partner could've changed places.  Wow, please excuse the bad summary! :


**Hello again everybody! I'm going to be on a bit of a posting blitz today, so I hope that none of you mind too much. First up, I have a long overdue post-ep to 7.05, the one where we see Danny in his beat cop uniform and glasses. Oh, and you meet his ex-partner too, but who cares about that when you have Danny, uniform, and glasses? *drools***

**I'm still not completely sure about the final product, but I hope you'll like it anyways.**

**Enjoy!**

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**What Could've Been**

It had been a long and tiring 24 hours for Danny. He'd gone from feeling bad that his ex-partner Jim Benson's life had gone so wrong since they'd lost touch to thinking about re-connecting with him to finally wanting the beat the crap outta him for trading sides after finding his hospital bed empty, realizing that Benson was in on the whole thing. Danny was glad that he'd been the one to collar Benson, getting to walk him into the precinct like the two of them used to do years ago with perps and put him behind bars where he belonged; however, there was one thing that Danny couldn't stop thinking about: how easily the tables could've been turned on him.

Danny hated to admit it but what Jim had said to him as he was being handcuffed, that it could've been Danny who had been on the hook for missing those two guns, was true. It hadn't been the first time that such a thought had crossed his mind, but he'd just been a cocky, young, and single cop back then so it never seemed like such a big deal before. Now, with so much more for him to lose, and having a better idea of what that kind of loss could do to a person, Danny was fixated on what could've been.

Sensing the burdens that his best friend was carrying around, Flack insisted that Danny go home and spend the rest of his evening with his family since his shift had ended a half hour ago, offering to do all the paperwork so Danny wouldn't have to stick around for another hour or two. Finding no reason to argue with him, Danny thanked Flack and hurried upstairs to the locker room. Throwing all his stuff into his bag haphazardly, he grabbed his phone and called home to tell Lindsay that he was on his way. He found it a little strange that no one answered, but he hung up and quickly dialled her cell phone and got her right away.

"Hey babe, is your shift done?"

"Yeah, I packing up right now. I called the apartment first, but you didn't pick up."

"I'm running a quick errand right now."

"Oh."

Based on his answer, Lindsay sensed that he was distracted, and she had a pretty good idea of what was on his mind. "Is everything all right Dan? When I left, Hawkes had just figured out that your ex-partner was in on it. Did you get him?"

"Yeah we did, just before he killed the girlfriend of Heath Kirkfield. We'll talk about it more after Lucy's asleep, OK? Right now, I just want to go home and spend some time with my two favourite people in the whole wide world."

He heard her giggle over the line and it made him smile for a moment. "We'll be waiting for you."

"I'll be there soon."

"I love you."

"I love you too babe. Bye."

"Bye."

Ending the call, Danny shoved his phone back in his pocket and slammed his locker shut, grabbing his bag off the floor and throwing over his head and across his body. He made a beeline for the elevators, irritated that nobody held the door for him so he could catch the car that was already waiting, though he'd asked nicely. Pushing the down button furiously, it took several minutes for the next one to come and even though it was already crowded, Danny pushed his way on it.

Since everyone seemed to be trying to leave at the same time, the full elevator continued to stop on almost every floor. Further agitated, Danny contemplated jumping off a few times to just take the stairs the rest of the way down, but he perceived and finally made it to the lobby. Jumping off the elevator, he hurried out the front doors and stood on the steps for a second, closing his eyes and releasing the tension he was feeling.

"DADDY!"

For a second, he was sure he was hearing things because Lucy had just called for him.

"DADDY!"

Hearing it a second time, Danny opened his eyes and looked down on the sidewalk below, and there she was, squirming in her mother's arms, wanting to be put down so she could run over to him. Both Danny and Lindsay were weary about having Lucy walk around on the busy New York sidewalks as she tended let go of their hands and wander off no matter how many times she was told not to, so Danny was a little surprised when Lindsay lowered Lucy to the ground and let her go on her own. Lucy climbed the stairs as quickly as her little legs would allow her, so she'd only made it up about four stairs by the time Danny got to her. He scooped her up into his arms and hugged her tightly, locking eyes with Lindsay to convey his thanks, seeing that she understood when she nodded her head and smiled widely.

"Daddy, I miss-ed you today."

"Me too Lucy, but we get to spend the rest of the day together, just me, you and Mommy!"

"Yay!" At most, it was nothing more than a couple of hours, but with how much Danny and Lindsay worked regularly, Lucy loved any span of time that it could be just the three of them.

Walking down the remaining steps to where Lindsay was, Danny stopped in front of her, a bemused look on his face. "I thought you were running an errand."

"I am," she replied coyly.

"So what are you doing?"

"I'm cheering you up. Is it working?"

Danny's response was to capture her lips in a passionate kiss, one that maybe wasn't the most appropriate thing to do in front of your two year old…on a public sidewalk…in broad daylight. Thankfully, nobody tried to stop them (or arrest them) so they broke apart gasping for air moments later.

"I'll…take that…as a maybe…then." She heaved out, a cheeky grin plastered on her face.

"I'll get you for that."

"I'll be waiting," she winked at him and he was very tempted to begin his revenge right away.

Unfortunately for him, Lucy, having had enough of being ignored, decided to interject. "We go home now? Me hungwy!"

"Ugh! Like father, like daughter: all you two think about is your stomachs!" Lindsay threw her hands up in mock exasperation.

"And that's a problem because…" he figured that if he couldn't pay her back right away, he could at least drive her crazy a bit.

Lindsay squinted at him, trying to convey her annoyance, but she couldn't stop grinning, so the effect was lost. "I give up. Let's just go home and eat!"

"Yay!" Not really understanding what was going on between her parents, Lucy was just happy to hear that they would be eating soon.

Looking at her husband properly, Lindsay could see that the day had taken a toll on him, not only mentally but physically too. "Here, I'll take her again, you've had a long shift."

"Don't worry about it, I've got her." As if to prove his point even more, Danny secured Lucy with one arm and wrapped the other around Lindsay, guiding them all towards the nearby subway station, both parents listening intently to Lucy recounting her day at preschool.

Though the subway ride to their new apartment was roughly as long as it used to be, they now had to travel on one of the most popular routes, so finding a space on the train was usually what made the trip longer. They'd lucked out today and found seats and Lucy had a great time watching all the people and chatting with the elderly woman who was sitting in front of them. Getting off a block away from their building, Danny surprised Lucy by putting her up on his shoulders, and Lindsay took the opportunity to wrap her arm around his waist as they listened to Lucy excitedly narrate the sights from her new vantage point. When they finally made it into their apartment, Lindsay started to cook the meal she'd already prepared before leaving, joining the rest of her family in the living room for a little pre-dinner TV (and Lucy's personal favourite) The Backyardigans. Lindsay couldn't help but chuckle when at the end of the episode Danny started singing and dancing along with the characters and Lucy, happy to see that whatever was bothering him was taking a backseat in his mind at the moment.

The chime of the timer coincided perfectly with the end of the program, so while Lindsay divided their dinner out onto plates, Danny and Lucy went to go wash up. Sitting there with his family, Danny started to think again about what Benson had said to him, but he quickly suppressed them again, focusing instead on the here and now.

After the evening flew by and with Lindsay busy putting Lucy to bed, Danny was left all alone with his thoughts once more: he kept coming back to how Benson talked about his ruined family life and him saying that it could've been Danny's career (and life) that was destroyed.

Lindsay emerged from the back of the apartment and immediately noticed his worried look. "Dan?" When he didn't respond, Lindsay tried again. "Babe?" Reaching out, she touched his arm and startled him a bit. "Sorry."

"What are you sorry for, I was the one who was off in my own little world over here."

Sensing that he needed to talk, Lindsay sat down on the couch and tucked her legs up under her, ready to listen.

"Belson and I were partners back in the day, I just can't believe that he'd go from being a cop to being a murderer."

"I think he harbours a lot of anger about being all but frozen off the force – one small, but nearly fatal mistake, and the life he thought he'd be living was suddenly gone."

"Yeah, he told me that his personal life was all in shambles too, his ex-wife took his kids with her when they divorced, and I felt kinda bad because my life has gone better than his – I've got things that I never thought I wanted, and he's lost them all."

"But Danny, to get where you are now hasn't been an easy task – far from it I think. You've had to work for the things you have: a job you love, a beautiful daughter, a smokin' hot wife…" Her goal of easing the tension worked, as Danny chuckled at her self-description.

The moment passed quickly and he turned stoic once more. "He was right about one thing though Linds, it could've very easily been me that made that mistake, and I would've been the one whose life was ruined."

"Maybe you would've, but maybe not – there are so many ways that that could've turned out Danny, there's no use in lingering on what could've been."

"I know you're right, it's just hard to remember that sometimes. I guess that I thought that after Marty Pino, I wouldn't come across another shady ex-co-worker: it just goes to show how easily I'm fooled."

Lindsay reached out for his face immediately, not really believing what was coming out of her husband's mouth. Turning his face to hers, she made sure that he was looking right at her. "No babe, it shows that you still believe in the goodness of people, even after everything we deal with on a daily basis. That's not a gift that most of us have to begin with, so it's something very special. I know you may not like it and think it's a weakness, but I think you're wrong. It's what makes you, you Danny, and I wouldn't want that to change for anything in the world."

Danny stared at her for a while, contemplating her words. "Thank you, I really needed that. And thank you for coming to cheer me up – everything else seemed to fade away for a while when I saw the two of you."

"There's really no need to thank me – you're my husband, and I'll do anything I can to make you feel better, short of lying."

Danny leaned forward to capture her lips briefly, and then he pulled her into a tight hug. "Can this be my spot?"

"What?" Lindsay was unsure that she'd heard him right.

"Well, since your spot is in my arms, I think that it's only fitting that my spot be in your arms."

"But why?" Lindsay thought that she knew what he was getting at, but she decided to play coy, if only to keep talking.

"Because when I'm feeling down and I need a place to feel safe in and someone to talk to, I come find you."

Lindsay had a witty reply all planned out, but then she heard what Danny actually said, and she was speechless, giving Danny the chance to keeping talking.

"I know that I've not always realized it in the past, but I know now that I can come to you with any problem or issue, and you'll help me work through it. I'm trying to do the same thing for you too, but I don't always think I do such a good job of it."

Lindsay sighed and shook her head at him. "That's not true, Danny, you've been doing everything right. After everything that's happened to us…after what Shane Casey almost did to our family, you were my rock." This had been a big step for them, and especially for Lindsay: she'd never used his name up until she'd received that medal, and before then, she'd barely even talked about the whole incident, seemingly content to just pretend that it never happened. "You never pushed me to talk when I wasn't ready and you never questioned me for not dealing with it for months – that's exactly what I needed you to do. That entire time, though, I knew in the back of my mind that if I started to fall apart, you'd hold me together and help me put myself back together again.

"When you found me on the rooftop after Mac had just left, I knew automatically that it was you, but I couldn't face you right away – I didn't want to fall apart, which I knew would happen the minute I laid eyes on you. You started talking about me finding a new spot and then you reminded me that I've always had one. I really didn't want that medal, and part of me was upset to see it in your hands, but you showed me another way of thinking about it, a way that's allowed me to finally make peace with receiving it, though I'm still a bit skeptical about the whole 'hero' thing. When I finally looked at you, I knew that I was gonna be OK. It was the first time that entire day that I felt at peace, and I know it was all because of you."

Now Danny was the one who was slightly speechless. Taking a moment to recover, he thought of a fitting response. "I guess I'm doing alright then." His attempt to lighten the mood a bit was successful, as he'd earned himself a smile.

"That's one way of putting it, I guess." She paused for a second to regard him seriously. "Are you OK now babe?"

"Yeah, I'm good. And you?"

"I'm good too. Now that that's all out of the way, how do you suggest we spend the rest of our evening?"

"Not like this first off." At first, Lindsay didn't understand what Danny had meant by that comment, but it became clearer as Danny stood up from the couch and pulled her up along with him, repositioned himself behind her and then lowered them both back onto the couch until they were lying down, Danny stuck between the back of the couch and his wife. He wrapped his arms tightly around Lindsay and pulled her back into him, noticing that their legs intertwined of their own volition.

"That's better," he said as he reached for the remote and handed it to her. "Lady's choice of what we're watching."

She took the remote from him and started channel surfing, almost immediately finding an old episode of Speed Racer. "Sweet!" Putting the remote back on their coffee table, Lindsay made sure that she'd found a completely comfortable spot within Danny's arms before she allowed herself to become engrossed in the show.

Danny offered none of his usual protests to having to watch the show, instead relishing the fact that he had Lindsay in his arms and everything was alright between them. Placing a soft kiss into her hair, he settled in as well and allowed himself to be engrossed in the show too.

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**Thanks for reading!**


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